Your starter question for 10

What should LFC do next?

We must spend big, says Benitez.

Behh! Wrong answer. You should be spending wisely on young talent, who you can later flog off to the highest bidder.

Reds? What reds? Do we care anymore?

So, I don't really care that much anymore¹, but enough to look for some coverage that doesn't involve having to refresh the BBC or Guardian pages every few minutes. Now, we can't get Five Live over the internet (outside the UK) when they have live commentary because of the whole licence fee issue. For previous events, like the Six Nations, we've managed to get round it by listening to the relevant local station (like Radio Scotland, Wales or NI). This time, a quick try of Radio Merseyside was unsuccessful. That loophole has been closed. :(

But without meaning to spoil the field for the future, I've found radio coverage! I'm not telling you where... Keeping shtum.

¹ I am still interested. I may not care either way regarding the results, but I still want to follow good fitba.

² just as well we follow Scotland then, eh?

meh...

LFC in Athens? If I cared anymore, I would be excited. But since their ill-advised purchase on the back of a loan, which they will have to service forevermore or collapse, my interest has waned. Once upon a time, I would have downed tools just to watch the game. Then again, the game would have been at a reasonable hour and not in the middle of my work day. And back in the day, LFC's stablemates wouldn't have been a NHL team.

Right now, without a TV and bereft of Five Live, we get all the footie highlights we need from youtube. And I must confess that I really don't miss it all that much. It's gotten stale for me. It's not so exciting when you already know the score¹. And the last World Cup really killed it for us. What joy in watching a game where cheats and actors flourish? And apart from the tawdry purchase of LFC, Benitez has turned a team full of potential² into a collection of talentless oafs who play uninspired football. In fact, they may as well play American football because I just don't care anymore.

I find myself these days spending more time discussing the woes of Gretna Green and their struggle to comply with the SPL mafia than discussing the glorification of Liverpool. P goes through phases of being dejected by Dundee United's lack of spark, but he remains loyal. Is that the mark of a true fan? A local fan? Did I choose my team badly, not having lived in Liverpool? Does it count that they were the first team to inspire my interest in football? What does it all mean when you stop caring about your team, even if they are about to play in their second Champions League final in 2 years? Am I a bad fan? My blades no longer turn for my team.

What do you call an anti-glory seeker? 'Cos that's what I want to be.

¹ Which is almost always the case here, always waking up after the weekend games are over.

² I am, of course, somewhat biased.

Crouch scores a hat-trick against Arsenal? Now, that's an April Fools' joke..

The Italian team are dirty fecking cheats

That was a dive. No doubt about it. Grosso is a fecking cheat. That was not a fair end to the game.

I hate teams that progress by cheating. It turns me off, watching the beautiful game ruined by these CHEATS! They did not deserve the penalty. They did not deserve to win. They do not deserve to be in the quarter-finals. I'd even like to propose a ban on Italy for the nest World Cup. This kind of desperate attempt in a game they clearly could not win is ugly and puts the game in bad repute. FIFA needs to come down harder on such teams. Especially if the referee fails to make the correct decision on the pitch.

What's the point of having a referee and two linsemen if their eyes aren't open? This incident proves that football *needs* a fourth official, like the replay officials in rugby and cricket. Who knows what the referee was thinking... Perhaps he was trying to make up for his bad decision in sending off the alleged "last man".

This World Cup is turning out to be the worst in terms of refereeing decisions. The referees have been put under immense pressure to come down hard on foul play. But some have been excessively harsh, yet some turn a blind eye. Lack of consistency makes it unfair on teams. And many of the referees look out of their depth, either lacking competency or just feeling the heat (literally and figuratively). The end result, whatever reason for the bad refereeing: ruined football.

What makes me even more mad is that the ESPN commentators here are saying the penalty was deserved, and in fact, was even "good play". I don't think American soccer players, coaches and analysts *get* the point of football. They think that hard, professional fouls are a necessity if the other team looks threatening. They think diving is good tactics. (Or maybe it's just that the clueless ESPN commentators are total fuckwits. Don't wish to tar all Americans with the same *dirty* brush.)

Technorati tags: world cup, cheating.

Fitba, US-stylee

Had a glorious morning off watching the opening ceremony and first game of the 2006 World Cup. (Paid the price by having to work till late tonight; but it was worth it!)

Strangely enough, none of the "sports" channels had coverage of the opening ceremony. Instead, it was up to KXLA, the local Korean news and entertainment channel, to broadcast the feed. It's rather surprising that, apart from a few ads on Focks Soccer Channel, there hasn't been much mainstream enthusiasm for a World Cup that features the national team.

Heck, when Scotland occasionally qualifies, all work stops for the duration of the first round (and recommences when bloody England are yet again the only home country to qualify for round two). Yet the only excited folk in my lab and its vicinity are the foreigners. No one else seems aware that a major sports competition, with an audience close to that of the Olympics, kicked off this morning.

The game itself was pretty exciting; 6 goals being abnormally heart-racing for an opener, let alone one that included Germany, the Audi of football. Perhaps their poor qualifier efforts was enough of a kick up their backsides to up their game. Even so, that's got to be the most appalling German defence in a long time.

And while I didn't catch the Poland game, it'll be a fun World Cup if such "upsets" occur with more frequency. Perhaps my personal favourite underdogs: Trinidad and Tobago, will manage to win a match too. Just not against Ingerland.

Je ny crois pas!

From BBC news: Liverpool play Owen waiting game

Benitez doesn't want him. And I don't want him back either. He might be a good Shearer replacement for Newcastle Comedy Club (trademark the folk who write The Fiver at the Guardian) though.

Never on me

Wish I had my camera with me today. Saw a couple of homeless men at a bus stop in LA with Rangers FC shirts on (yep, that deadbeat SPL team). Newish ones with ntl:home as the sponsor. Wonder if they were supporters...

My £28 [loses to/beats] your £5

In anticipation.

Update: I meant to come back to this to write my thoughts about Liverpool's loss/win over the minnows that are Total Network Solution, but nothing. Nada. Not one spark of inspiration. Instead, I was engrossed in the annual saga of "Will he stay or won't he?" that has involved every home-grown talent from Liverpool for the last few years. Funnily enough, there's a bit of a trend there for impressive talent, peaking in the early 20s, waning quickly (usually after 4-5 years of service), and a hurry to sell to the first chump squad that believes the hype. Honestly, which of the recent born-and-breds has succeeded upon leaving 'pool? If anything, we've cursed Man City with the g'awful Liverpool B -side.

SPL blots copy book

From BBC news: Dundee United to lose top striker.

I cannae believe the SPL has so much say over who can and cannot get a work permit to play footie in Scotland. And that they claim Jason Scotland is "not of the highest calibre". He is Dundee United's best player, for crying out loud! And he scored the crucial goal that kicked Hibs out of the Scottish Cup.

Methinks the Guardian's Fiver team had a point, when they pointed out that the panel included five ex-Hibbies.

If such a panel were to decide on all our work permits, we'd never get anywhere. Places like Scotland would never benefit from the much needed influx of foreign talent to replace their vast migrate-to-the-south-to-make-more-money graduate population.

That SPL panel should have declared a conflict of interest, or at the very least, appointed impartial, non-partisan people.

Foot in door

From BBC news: Liverpool get in Champions League.

I'm obviously not a true-Red 'cos I think UEFA has been very generous in not only giving Liverpool the chance to defend their Champions League title, but also seeding them (though not going as far as putting them in the group stages). Now, a true fan would probably be having a good whinge about having to start at the very bottom. And the fans are blaming UEFA for the poor placing, FA for not giving us the fourth spot (double standards there, FA. you were willing to do it for Chelsea/Arsenal last season), and have forgotten that the true culprits are the members of Liverpool's highly inconsistent squad. Failing to score in 13 Premiership games makes them more like mid-table teams than top flight. Also, have a read of what an FA twat had to say about UEFA cleaning up his mess for him (bottom of page). In related news, a huge sigh of relief that Dietmar Hamann is staying for another year. He has been one of the constants of LFC over the last few years, something that cannot be said for some 'waste-of-space's.

As a knock-on to all this kerfuffle, everyone must now feel a little sorry for the Liverpool B-side, who have been told they won't be getting Liverpool's spot in the Euro Vase after all.

Update: And carrying on the knock-on effects further north to Scotland, the shambles that is the SFA has turned the Tangerines' blood red.

Technorati tag: liverpoolfc.

Champion!

The best team in Europe, 2005!
Originally uploaded by framboise.

I cannae believe it! Liverpool have done it! Despite all my earlier pessimism, I'm on cloud nine. Even the prospect of a dull afternoon being interrogated at US embassy tomorrow was forgotten for the duration of the game.

Du-du-du-dudek! Du-du-du-du-du-dek... (repeat ad nauseum)
(There's a silly wee tune for this; I made it up years ago.)

Even through the euphoria, I still think Everton worked hard for their fourth place, and deserve to compete in the Champions League next season. How UEFA are going to allocate Liverpool a place remains to be seen. Will some lesser known European team be deprived of their hard-earned place?

08 Jun '05 update: Courtesy of the Fiver, I've just realised why this site has been getting hits from Google for Variations on a Theme of Dudek. Apparently, there's some silly song going around by a-group-I-shall-not-name-for-fear-of-getting-more-such-hits. If you've come in search of the song, I'm terribly sorry. My Dudek song was composed more than three years ago, in recognition of his goalkeeping prowess (post-Westerveld and pre-Kirkland). As a salve for the disappointment, how about I send you here instead? (While there, you must check out the Chaplin-esque video. Fun for all.)

I might as well confess that I also have one for Edwin van der Saar, back in the days when Holland had a decent voetbal team. Hopefully, no other bandwagon-jumping pop group will release a stilly song about him.

It's been a while since two big teams played the Cup Final

Some inane conversation pre-FA cup final:

P: "What's the Prince of Kent doing there? What's his function in life?"
D: "Well, isn't she some royal dignitary who opens schools and stuff?"
P: "No, it's the Prince, her husband."
D: "Who's he?"
P: "Excatly. He turns up to Wimbledon and stuff."
D: "Are the proper royals snubbing the footie now? I mean, they send Princess what's-her-name to the rugby, don't they?"
P: "Probably afraid of Man Utd fans kicking off or something. The Dundee Utd game has been delayed by 10 minutes."
D: "Typical."

Incidentally, Hill and Barton report in Nature that: Red enhances human performance in contests¹. So, my prediction for today's Cup Final results: Arsenal to win, just. Possibly even in extra time. The report also bodes well for Liverpool vs AC Milan, but the colour red only gives an advantage if both opponents are of equal skill level...

1745h edit: I was right about the result, but a little off on the circumstances.

¹ Hill, R.A. and Barton, R.A. 2005. Psychology: Red enhances human performance in contests. Nature 435: 293. (PMID)

Cruel Charlton

Too shocked to talk about it. Four times. And despite the efforts of waste-of-space-Freedman and Andy Johnson... Who'd have thought WBA would win their final game? Sympathies to Norwich too; what a way to go. And as for Dundee Utd, P ain't happy. Relegation looms after countless seasons of near-misses. It's total silence in the flat this afternoon.

Bloody Charlton.

Update: Still can't believe WBA stayed up. Bottom since Christmas. Good on them, I suppose. But I can't believe they stayed up.

As for Southampton, I feel for you. The seeds of failure were pretty much sown by Rupert Lowe and the board's meddling and public grousing about Paul Sturrock. That may be an unfair thing to say, as Sturrock maintains that he left under mutual agreement. Let that be a lesson to Glazert; don't touch what you don't know nothing about. :p

2240h edit: Wonder if anyone will turn this day of hurt into a film: Relegation Day. It'd be a reet good comic tragedy...

2245h edit: Just saw the WBA goal on MOTD. Speculation: Portsmouth rolled over like a slutty cat wanting her belly scratched (sorry Muran) purely to hurt Redknapp. And Jonathan (Bad) Fortune should have been sent off (not an objective comment... a bit partisan here...). And was David James' change of shirt the first time a goalie has played up front (not as a keeper, but one of the ten)?

Chiles and Strachan as the new Llewelyn-Bowens?

Hilarious! I just witnessed Adrian Chiles and Gordon Strachan complaining about their new slippery sofa. Were they on MOTD or Changing Rooms? What is the world coming to? Football pundits crossing over to interior decoration...

I need a new team

I'm not talking about it. Some choice words from the Beeb: "packed their midfield", "poverty of their play", "insipid", and "stumbled to an 11th defeat away from home". And some of mine: "4-5-1", "that'll never win the match", and "how far down are you taking us?@!".

Technorati tag: liverpoolfc.

Big Cup saga

Many thanks to the Fiver for their in-depth research (aka googling) on the Liverpool-Champions League saga. The full text from Friday's (6 May '05) Fiver email follows. (Please excuse the slightly barmy language. They have a somewhat different audience from the regular Guardian readers.)

COULD LIVERPOOL STILL PLAY IN BIG CUP?

Let's be honest: if you took all the tramps, wastrels and bums that loiter around Soho Square, sponged down their Tin-stained suits, and gave them high-paying jobs at the FA, their decision-making couldn't be much worse than the current lot. And they might end up with less egg and/or secretaries on their faces too.

Exhibit of FA incompetence No32371: having decreed yesterday that Liverpool must finish fourth to qualify for next year's tournament, they forgot this contradicted a statement on their own website from March 10 2004. "Should Arsenal or Chelsea win [Big Cup], they will automatically qualify for next season's competition, but England will not gain an extra [Big Cup] place, even if they finish outside of the top four in the Premiership," it read. "In that scenario, the fourth-placed team in the Premiership will play in next season's Euro Vase."

Not surprisingly, the page was hastily removed by a Monster Munch-eating FA techie (although thanks to the marvels of google it can be viewed here).

Meanwhile, when contacted by the Fiver at 11am this morning, the FA said it would shortly be making a statement. Five hours later, we're still waiting.

Of course when it comes to bureaucratic bungling, Uefa isn't much better. For article 1.03 of their Big Cup regulations seems to suggest that Liverpool could be entitled to play in next season's competition if they beat AC Milan and finish fifth or sixth in the Premiership. Or at least the Fiver thinks it does.

It reads: "At the request of the national association concerned, [Big Cup] title-holders may be entered for this competition, as an additional representative of that association, if they have not qualified for [Big Cup] via the top domestic league championship.

"If, in such a case, the title-holders come from an association entitled to enter four teams for Big Cup, the fourth-placed club in the top domestic league championship has to be entered for [Euro Vase]."

Admittedly, Uefa's wording is nearly as woolly as a row of sheep at a Liberal Democrat party conference, but you can imagine Liverpool's lawyers having a field day. "This could open a real can of worms," one legal expert told the Fiver, something we would venture to suggest happened a long time ago.

Story attributed to Sean Ingle and Barry Glendenning.

What a mess.

And in other sour grapes news, Arsene Wenger has been sounding off against the Reds. While I agree with him that a team good enough to be in the Champions League final should also be good enough to finish in the top four of their local league, I think he's a bit green-eyed in saying this:

"The European Cup has been a complete cup competition - like Millwall reaching the FA Cup final - and maybe we will have Coventry in next year's final."

"It has convinced me even more that you cannot make a priority of the Champions League. It has to be the Premiership.

"In the championship you have to be consistent and that is a real reflection of your consistency in a season."

Just 'cos you're having a bad year Arsene-11-points-behind-Chelsea, is no reason to let loose with the verbal diarrhoea.

Technorati tags: liverpoolfc, sourgrapes.

in or out?

The FA says the top four in the Premiership will go through, as they should, given that those are the current rules. Yet UEFA's president had this to say at the weekend. Everton is 3 points ahead and has one game in hand.

Remaining Everton Premiership fixtures:

• 07 May 2005, Everton v Newcastle
• 11 May 2005, Arsenal v Everton
• 15 May 2005, Bolton v Everton

Possible draw with Newcastle, but probable win for Everton. Away to Arsenal will be quite tough; they lost heavily to the Gunners at home. Can't guess at the Bolton result, but again, probable win for Everton. That gives them another 4 to 6 likely points (more if they beat Arsenal, of course).

Remaining Liverpool Premiership fixtures:

• 08 May 2005, Arsenal v Liverpool
• 15 May 2005, Liverpool v Aston Villa

Oh why bother. It's not going to happen. Serves you right. Too many draws, losses to CP, Man City, Newcastle... It's not like there was any killer instinct this season. Might be an interesting end to the season against AC Milan. Something to look forward to.

Technorati tags: liverpoolfc.

Miniscule chance

From BBC news: Uefa clarifies warning to Everton
How's this for a silly headline? At the moment, Everton are in fourth place in the Premier League, 8 points clear of the Reds. There is no way Liverpool is going to catch them up for the fourth Champions League place. Plus, it's pretty likely that they won't even get to the finals of the Champions League. Really, what are the odds that the Reds can beat Bayern Munich, Chelsea, Juventus, Lyon, Milan, PSV Eindhoven or Porto (possibly)? And to top that, the FA has to request that Liverpool goes through instead of Everton.